HOW I FOUND OUT ABOUT HEAVEN

Condensed from an account in How I Found Out About Heaven (Copyright 1970 Palmer Publications, Inc., 318 N. Main, Amherst, WI 54406, reprinted with permission) in which the author, an American lawyer, tells how a compelling desire to learn about life after death led him on an extensive search that included his meeting Paramahansa Yogananda in 1927, who at the time was giving lectures and classes in Minneapolis.

My search to discover whether there was any truth whatsoever in the actuality of Heaven began while I was in the depths of disillusionment and bitterness.  During those dark days it appeared to me that there was considerable questions as to whether there was a Deity in all the universe.  If there were, He seemed to be giving no attention to the small area in which I was then present.

 Although these events took place over fifty years ago, I still remember the mental suffering which I underwent at the time.

 "Faith" and "belief" had, in my mind, come to have very dubious meanings.  From a state of agnosticism and doubt, with which I was then oppressed, I have [since] uncovered data which has convinced me that each of us now inhabiting this planet has a soul which continues to live beyond what we term "death."

In 1927 my cousin, Addie M. Jones, was living on Grand Avenue in Minneapolis.  She had read the advertisements in the Minneapolis newspapers of a swami by the name of Yogananda who was teaching Yoga, and she had gone to some of his opening lectures.  She offered to help by sending out literature and so forth and received as a reward for her services, tickets to his different lecture courses.  She gave these tickets to me and my wife, whom I had married a few years before, and we went from the very beginning of the regular courses; and after a few of them I became most interested.  I do not remember that I ever let anything interfere with our attendance.  I used to sit in his classes with the greatest attention. 

 At first came his teaching of a chant.  Then he gave us a simple breathing exercise.  While it was most simple, I found out very shortly that doing it was something very difficult.  In my case it proved almost impossible.  My mind was active and I was inclined to go off into a world of my own.  It was a task to sit erect and think about the breathing with the eyes focused [at the seat of concentration between the eyebrows].

After a few lessons at the beginning of the course, Yogananda began to get into the philosophy of the exercises and tell what wonderful things could eventually come about if we continued long enough.  At last I had obtained some touch with a system which I felt might be a step to finding out what I wanted to know.

"Let Me Describe Him to You"

           Let me describe him to you.  He had a most noble profile with a well shaped nose and a full round throat.  His eyes, however, were the amazing part of him.  He had large brown eyes which were friendly and alive with a life beyond any eyes that I have ever seen.  Truth and sincerity shone from them.  You felt that he was a man apart.

 I did not immediately gain this impression, as I will admit that I was inclined toward an inborn skepticism of all religious leaders.  Here, however, was a man who not only taught a way of life, but actually practiced his own teachings.  He was most matter-of-fact in his statements; and some of them were about things which he said were impossible, but which, to my Western ears, were most remarkable.

  He had well shaped and well cared-for hands.  He had arms that were well above the average in size and exceedingly strong.  I was invited to feel of them once when he had given a lecture on the inadvisability of eating meat, saying that there was more real strength to be gained by a vegetarian diet if one would but eat of the right kind and in the proper amounts.  He certainly carried out within his person what he preached in this regard.  He was one of the healthiest men, perhaps the most healthy, whom I had ever met, but not a type which we see advertised by our gymnasiums so blatantly.  His body was one which showed exuberance of vitality.

  He had both large physical powers and immense psychological powers as well.  This becomes more evident upon a closer inspection.  I observed him at different times and was very much interested in checking some points I was curious about.

  Control Over Life and Death

             I remember one incident which may be of interest.  I was acting, for the time being, as an executive for a company which had an interest in a good sized office building in St. Paul.  For some months I had a large office on the top floor.  One of the rooms was very large and I owned some elegant office furniture and equipment which I moved in.  It was very attractive.  It had sun, tempered by the drapes, and the heavy carpeting made it quiet.  As Yogananda had expressed a desire to see the office where I worked, I invited him to visit it. 

 Among the employees was a young man named Stiles.  He had one of the quickest and most alert minds I had ever run across.  He had an accident as a very small child, which had caused a foot to be an inch or two shorter, and he felt this handicap very keenly.  He was very much interested in my explanation as to what I had found in the lectures on Yoga.  Stiles had worked for me for some time while I was in North Dakota so that there was something more than a passing friendship between us.

  It made quite a stir when the swami came through the outer office where the bookkeepers and stenographers were located.  Stiles showed him in.  The room was large enough to be appropriate to the size of the swami.  He looked magnificent in his abounding health, his erect posture and his utter ease.  His dark skin was not swarthy but rather radiant with health and had a vibrant glow.  It is hard to describe the kingliness of the man without giving the wrong impression.  His face was, as a general rule, smiling; and he exuded good nature and sympathetic understanding, even though there was a most definite sense of power about him.

  Stiles had told me before the swami's appearance that he was very much interested in talking to him.  I therefore did not send him from the room when the swami was with me, but explained to Yogananda how much Stiles had wished to see him.  He was very friendly and they were friends almost instantly.

  We talked of different matters, mostly about the classes, when Stiles asked a few questions.  I had been rather discreet in some of my answers to Stiles and while I had admitted that I was beginning to believe that this man had the secret of disassociating his soul or inner spirit from his body in order to, as the Masonic ritual had it, "travel in foreign countries," I did not become too certain in my statements.

  Stiles asked some pretty blunt questions of the swami as to his powers.  The swami took it in good part and saw that Stiles was really and truly interested and not merely a curiosity seeker.  Without any preliminary evidences of coyness or show talk calling attention to his great powers, he said that it was perfectly possible for him to demonstrate the ability of his spirit to leave his physical body right there and within a few minutes time.

 I was surprised, as nothing as concrete and evidential had been more than hinted at in the classes.  At first I was rather doubtful of the wisdom of allowing such a demonstration right there, as I was afraid that some business might call me from the room or interfere; but I was curious myself and I could see that Stiles was even more desirous than I.

 I stopped all incoming telephone calls on the ground that I was in conference.  As yet we had no lock on the office door, so I told Stiles that he would have to guard the door against someone entering without too much notice, as some of my associates had a habit of doing. 

 I had a large davenport.  It was upholstered in black tufted leather, as was then the fashion.  Swami said that would do very nicely.  He laid himself down on it, on his back, placed his hands at his sides and closed his eyes.  He began to breathe long slow breaths, holding and exhaling as he had tried to teach his class.  In a matter of less than five minutes, the blood began to drain out of his face, and before my eyes I saw him become as apparently lifeless as a corpse.  I had much more than an uncomfortable feeling.  It was awful.

 I had such little confidence in the things which I had heard and suspected but was beginning to think possible that I was frightened.  I had visions of having to explain how I had acquired a corpse in my office.  I knew very well that any such occurrence would beyond doubt wreck both the client I was acting for and myself.  I blamed myself for letting anything of this kind happen.  Frightened as I was, Stiles became more frightened than I.  He began appealing to me to get him back, saying, "You know I cannot hold this door forever.  Someone will be sure to barge in and there will be a real mess on our hands."

 I began to call the swami's name aloud.  I begged him to come back.  I said the demonstration was successful.  I have never undergone much more tension in my life than I had for several minutes while I felt that there was a corpse on my hands.  I was very much in earnest about my supplications for him to return.

 It was some moments before the color began to creep back into his face, but by that time I was so thoroughly panic-stricken that I continued my calling until he finally opened his eyes and sat up.

 He said that it was not difficult to do when once one had the power.  He talked so matter-of-factly about the whole matter that I could not help but give credence to his statements.  I had seen.

 While the word "miracle" had ceased to have much of its usual meaning to me, I had to admit to myself that I had witnessed what any non-scientifically trained individual would very probably regard as something very much akin to a miracle.  I would certainly agree to one thing.  It was awesome.

 "The Wings of the Dove"

            Since I wished to learn more about the hereafter, I asked several questions of the swami as to its appearance and what type of scenery could be expected and so forth.  The answers in class were very general.  The place we called Heaven was very large, he said.  In fact, I gathered it was many times greater in area that Earth.  There were many, many different regions there and each person, by his own capacities and his own desires, as well as his own powers and limitations, found that particular place in which he was capable of functioning.  In other words, there were appropriate places for every spirit who proceeded in that direction.  There could be no specific description of what each one would see to start with.

 Among the students, there was some discussion as to what one might see when the exercises had progressed somewhat.  Some said a good deal but I noticed that a few were doing almost all of the talking.  I became more sure that those who talked least had very probably, seen most.  There was an air of quiet assuredness about some of them, which led me to believe that they were on their way but they didn't intend to converse about it.

 When we were nearing the end of the third course of lectures, we were told that anyone who had attended all of the three courses and desired to do so could attend an extra evening session at which time he would be enabled to "see the light."

 In the course of the research I had done over the years, I had read somewhere that one of the methods by which the early Christians were discovered was their habit of sitting in the darkness trying to "see the light."  I had not paid too much attention to it at the time as it meant nothing to me.

 For a day or two I was undecided.  By that time I was doing the beginning Yoga exercises each morning.  Although I was getting nowhere in particular I did not expect any quick results.  I have always had to work very long and patiently for whatever goal I sought.  But I felt that by being persistent, I would, in time, acquire this power.

 When, however, the statement was made that we would be shown "the wings of the dove," I immediately signified my desire to obtain admission to this extra session.  I became extremely curious about something which I did not mention to anyone, certainly not to Yogananda.  I wanted to see just what the dove looked like.  I had read references as to the wings of the dove and also about the descent of the Spirit of God upon Christ "like a dove."  I had thought that all of these were merely symbolical.

 It sounded to me as if there was something beyond mere symbolism portended.  Anyway, I wanted to see that dove's head, neck and shoulders.  I felt that I couldn't afford to miss anything which might be of a concrete nature.  Perhaps I am inclined to be too literal-minded at times.

 When the evening came, I arrived early at the hall and selected a seat in the second or third row, and with an empty seat on each side of me.  When the swami appeared, he directed that the lights be lowered slightly.  This was done, but there was enough light in the big room so that one could see all the walls clearly.  One could recognize the faces of those in one's vicinity with no difficulty whatsoever.

 He stated that he wanted no one to say that he or she had seen the light unless such person was definitely certain that the light had actually been seen by him or her.  Then he instructed all of us to sit erect without touching the back of the chair, place our hands upon our knees, start the breathing exercises and concentrate on doing it in the rhythmic manner.

 When my turn came, Yogananda placed the tips of his little fingers over my ears and his thumbs near but not touching my closed eyes.  At first I felt nothing except that all hearing and, of course, all sight was stopped.  After a minute or two Yogananda asked if I had seen the light.  I answered, "No."  Some pressure was applied and at the end of another minute or two I was asked again.  Again I answered, "No."  More pressure was applied with like results.  It became embarrassing as minute after minute passed and the majority of the class was waiting.  I kept my closed eyes in the proper position looking upward at the center of my forehead but all was dark.

 Suddenly I sensed a great wave of power flowing down from Yogananda, who was standing over me.  A great scintillating light appeared and there were the "wings of the dove."  I did not lose my perception.  I gazed directly at the center of the light.  There was no "dove."  I realized that the arcs of force which I saw were shaped like the wings with the curve above and the straight line or radius beneath.  It was a most beautiful and inspiring sight.  A feeling of utter and absolute peace and well being filled me with ecstasy.

 I held my gaze on the light, although it was very bright and scintillating, and examined the shape of the area.  I did not stir when I said I had seen the light.  Yogananda left me for the next class member.  It was probably a quarter of an hour before the light commenced to fade gradually.  In fact, for some two or three days after that, I could still see a spark of light there when I closed my eyes.

  I decided to renew the Yoga exercises with even greater earnestness and more determination.

 I Discover Heaven

            Every morning for somewhat longer than a year I followed a strict regimen.  My progress was very slow and I was often troubled with my inability to control my breath and mind at the same time.

 After six months I became very downcast at my lack of progress.  The struggle each morning and the continued disappointment began to cause me to wonder whether I was of such caliber as to have any hopes whatsoever of accomplishing any results.  In fact, the recurring thought that I was too low spiritually to make any headway began to trouble me.

 One morning, however, I had just started my meditations when a feeling of peacefulness stole over me.  As if someone were speaking directly to my mind the words came, "You are on the fringe of the hem of the robe of God."  The worry and frustration ceased and I commenced to make some progress.  I was no longer troubled with doubt about having sufficient spirituality to attempt the practice of Yoga.  I was not close enough to touch the robe but I had at least reached the fringe.  While I was not satisfied, I had lost my feeling of hopelessness and had become somewhat optimistic.

  Shortly after this I could commence to see a dull spark or two in what is called "the third eye" which is located in the middle of the forehead.  As weeks passed, the spark became a trifle larger and also somewhat brighter.  Progress was not steady.  It seemed to happen in waves and there was always an ebb which swept me backward and which had to be overcome.

 However, I persisted until the light had grown in size and brightness and eventually I discovered that there was a center having considerable brightness, even a certain amount of brilliance.  I had been told to see through this center, but in my case months went by before I experienced anything of the kind.

  Something better than a year from the time I had commenced, I began to catch fleeting movements in the center and the colors became bright and silvery.  I found, however, that the more I struggled and tried to obtain the vision by force of will the more I delayed my progress.  I had to follow the simple rules and learn to hold my mind steady.

Finally, one morning an aperture opened and I found myself looking through at a scene of beauty such as I had never witnessed before.  The colors were vibrant, even though in delicate pastel shades.  It was indeed a country of wonder and glorious beyond words.

For a week or two afterward, strive as I could, nothing but the light came.  Then, slowly, I began to have a little more success but nothing which I afterward perceived was as beautiful in my eyes as that first scape.

 I had, however, gained one great objective.  I was convinced in my own mind that I had looked upon an actual scene in that place which men call "Heaven."